


Dissonance

by ImpishTubist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28132809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImpishTubist/pseuds/ImpishTubist
Summary: While spending Christmas at Grimmauld Place, both Harry and Remus have startling revelations.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 14
Kudos: 125





	Dissonance

**Author's Note:**

> Another Christmas-at-Grimmauld-during-OotP missing scene fic. Not related to my other Grimmauld Place fic. CW for Umbridge's horrifying detention practices that someone should have been told about, frankly. Unbeta’d, not Brit-picked.
> 
> I don’t support JKR, her transphobic comments, or really anything she has to say about the HP series. It is my immense pleasure to take her characters and rub my queer little hands all over them.

Harry dug into the books Sirius and Lupin had given him for Christmas immediately after lunch, once the meal had been cleaned up and the rest of the house had dispersed. He sat at the kitchen table with Ron and Hermione and the books spread out between them, heads bent over the texts.

“What’s this?” Hermione bent to pick up a piece of parchment that had fluttered to the floor when she turned a page. She read it, and her brows furrowed.

“Oh!” Harry took it from her. It was the note Sirius and Lupin had included with his gift. “Sorry, thought I left that upstairs.”

Hermione was giving him an odd look, like something had just occurred to her. Harry frowned. 

“What?”

“Harry,” Hermione said slowly, “do you think that they’re...you know... _together_?” 

“Who?”

“Sirius and Professor Lupin!” 

Harry glanced at Ron, who shrugged, looking just as perplexed. “Yeah? I mean, they’re together a lot…” 

“ _Together_ together!” Hermione hissed in exasperation. “Like a couple, Harry!” 

Harry blinked. “What?” 

Ron said, “You’re joking.”

“I’m _not_. Why would I joke about that?” 

“Well, it’s just…” Harry shrugged. “I dunno. They’re just _friends_ , Hermione.” 

She rolled her eyes. “You can be friends with the person you’re dating, Harry.” 

He didn’t have a good response to that. It wasn’t that he was _against_ Sirius and Lupin dating, it was just--he would have _noticed_. Something like that would have been obvious! Plus, Lupin was his teacher (well, former teacher) and Sirius was his godfather and it was _weird_ to think of them like that. 

The door behind them opened just then, and Lupin came in. 

“Hello, you three.” He seemed cheerful enough, as cheerful as anyone ever was in this house. “What are you working on?”

They all sprang apart. “Nothing!” 

Lupin gave them a bemused look, then shrugged and started rummaging through the cupboards. 

“What are you looking for, Professor?” Harry asked.

“Oh, just some tea...Sirius isn’t feeling well, thought I’d bring him a cup,” Lupin said. Hermione shot Harry a pointed look, and he quickly glanced away. “I was hoping I wouldn’t have to call Kreacher for it. And I think you can call me Remus at this point, Harry. I did change your nappies when you were a baby, after all.” 

Harry choked. Ron cackled. Hermione stifled a laugh against her hand. 

“We had the _hardest_ time trying to keep clothes on you whenever we babysat, come to think of it,” Lupin continued to muse out loud while he dug out a kettle and some cups. “You crawled around the flat completely starkers more often than not.” 

Ron and Hermione quickly made their excuses and fled. Harry heard them giggling up the stairs. Lupin turned and gave him a frankly mischievous grin. 

“Thanks a lot, Professor,” Harry said dryly. “ _Remus_.” 

“Sorry, Harry,” Lupin said, not sounding sorry in the slightest. 

“Sirius isn’t feeling well?” 

“No, but it’s his own fault.” Lupin put the kettle on. “He found some cursed jewelry and tried to break the enchantment. It backfired, of course. Well, what did he expect, performing complex magic with a wand he stole off some bloke in Hogsmeade a year ago? He couldn’t have waited a few hours until I got back...anyway, the jewelry is still cursed and now your godfather has the ‘flu. I’d say that he’s learned his lesson, but knowing Sirius, he definitely hasn’t.” 

Harry went over to the countertop and hopped up on it while Lupin bustled around, filling a small plate with some snacks for Sirius as well while the kettle boiled.

“You’re a good friend,” he said, and Lupin gave him a quick, absent smile.

“I’m sure you’d do the same for Ron or Hermione if they were ill,” he said, which was true. Harry would.

“I crawled around your flat naked?”

Lupin barked out a laugh. “Not _completely_ naked. You always had your nappy on. But oh, you _hated_ wearing clothes. Some of your first bits of accidental magic involved vanishing whatever outfit your parents had dressed you in.”

“Yeah?” Harry knew so little about the year before his parents died. He knew a handful of things about his parents, but now that he thought about it, nothing about himself. “Did you babysit often?” 

“Here and there. Not as much as Sirius would have liked,” Lupin said. “But whenever your parents had Order business and we happened to be home--yes. We did.”

“Wait, you lived with Sirius?” 

“Oh, I thought you knew that,” Lupin said. “Yes, in that flat he told you about, the one he bought with his Uncle Alphard’s money. He offered me a place to stay after we left Hogwarts. Jobs were pretty thin on the ground then for werewolves, just like it is now. Sirius made sure I had a roof over my head and food in my stomach, and I’ll always be grateful for that.” 

Harry slotted this new information in with what little he knew about that first year of his life. It was a delightful mental image--his baby self tearing around the flat, Sirius and Lupin chasing after him. The two of them feeding him, playing with him, putting him down for naps. Cuddling him when he was fussy. He wished he could remember it. 

“And did I--” Harry faltered. “Was I happy?”

“Oh, Harry.” Lupin touched his cheek, briefly, before turning back to the kettle, which had started to wail. “Yes. The happiest baby I’ve seen. James and Sirius both spoiled you rotten, and you adored Lily as much as she did you, and I--yes. You were very happy.” 

They lapsed into silence while Lupin fixed two cups of tea. He offered Harry a third, but he declined. 

“Professor,” he said suddenly, no longer able to contain it. “Er--Remus. Did you and Sirius... _are_ you and Sirius--”

He broke off. Lupin looked at him, eyebrows raised. “Are we what?” 

“Dating,” Harry blurted, and then immediately wanted to swallow his tongue. And then wished that the ground would open up and swallow him whole.

To his amazement, Lupin laughed. “What a question!”

“I know,” Harry said in a rush. “I know, it’s only that Hermione thought--well, I told her it was ridiculous--”

The mirth abruptly faded from Lupin’s face. “Ridiculous?”

“Oh.” Harry faltered. “Oh, I mean…” 

Lupin blinked at him. Then he said, slowly, “Harry, we gave you a joint Christmas gift.” 

“Yes?” 

Lupin covered his face with both hands. “Oh, Merlin.”

“Wait, are you--is it _true_?” 

Lupin pinched the bridge of his nose. Then he dropped his hand and said, “Harry, we’ve been together since sixth year.” 

“Oh.” Harry stared at him. “ _Really_?” 

“I really _did_ think you already knew,” Lupin muttered. 

“Sirius never said anything!” Harry protested. “How was I--there’s a lot going on, okay!” 

Lupin stared at him, disbelieving, and then he threw back his head and _laughed_. 

“Merlin,” he said, wiping tears from his eyes as he loaded up a tray with the tea and snacks. “Sirius is going to _love_ this.”

The cups of tea rattled ominously on the tray as Lupin picked it up. Harry reached out a quick hand to steady one of the cups--and only realized his mistake a beat later. He snatched his hand away, but not before the smile dropped from Lupin’s face.

“What is that?” he asked.

“Nothing, Professor, I--” 

Lupin set the tray back down and gripped Harry’s wrist. Harry held perfectly still as Lupin pushed up the sleeve to reveal the words on his hand. 

_I must not tell lies_. 

“Harry,” Lupin said, very quietly, “who did this to you?”

“No one,” Harry said. He tugged his hand away, and Lupin let him go. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it, please.” 

“I’m not a fool, Harry,” Lupin said sharply. “I was your Defense teacher for a year, and contrary to the reputation that comes with that position, I _am_ actually competent. I know the work of a blood quill when I see it. How did this happen?”

Harry knew he wasn’t getting out of this. From the steely look in Lupin’s eyes, he’d probably stay up all night staring him down until Harry said something. 

“I...found it,” he tried.

“You found a blood quill and wrote _I must not tell lies_ into the back of your hand so often, it’s now a scar,” Lupin said. “Right. Tell me the real reason, right now.” 

“Fine,” Harry bit out. “I had detention, alright? With the new Defense teacher. She wanted me to admit Voldemort wasn’t back, and I wouldn’t, so…” 

He waved his hand in the air for emphasis. Lupin paled so quickly, Harry thought for a moment he might faint. 

“A _teacher_ did this to you?” Then Lupin’s face darkened. “Well, it’s Umbridge, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. Who did you tell?”

“No one? Well, Ron and Hermione know, but--”

“You didn’t report it?” Lupin sounded aghast. “Harry, at the very _least_ you should have told McGonagall, but really you should have brought this to Dumbledore!” 

“It’s not like he’s talking to me right now,” Harry said bitterly. “Besides, it won’t change anything, will it? She was appointed by the Ministry, not Dumbledore. They’re not going to sack her, not when they need her there.” 

“You didn’t even mention it to Sirius, did you?” 

“No, and I _won’t_ ,” Harry said fiercely. “Please don’t tell him. _Please_. He can’t do anything about it, and that will only make him feel worse about being stuck in the house and not able to help the Order.” 

Lupin was obviously warring with himself. He _had_ to know that Harry was right, he had to understand that it would be better for everyone if Sirius didn’t know about this.

“Oi, Moony, where the hell did you go for tea, Timbuktu?” Sirius groused as he pushed the kitchen door open, causing them both to jump. He always looked faintly ill, but whatever magic he’d been hit with had exacerbated it. His cheeks were hollow, his eyes sunken, and his skin was so pale it was almost translucent. He brightened when he saw Harry, though. “Hey, Sprog. Distracting Moony, are you?” 

“We were just talking,” Harry said lamely.

“Oh?”

Lupin glanced at Harry, who met his gaze steadily. _Please_ , he begged silently, _please don’t tell_.

“Sirius,” Lupin said, “how come you never told Harry about us?” 

Harry let out a small sigh of relief. Sirius stared at him. 

“Tell? What is there to tell?”

Lupin gestured between him and Sirius, looking exasperated. “About _us_. That we’re _together_.” 

“Well, of course we’re together,” Sirius said blankly. “We gave him a joint Christmas present. We share a room!”

“You do?” Harry asked. How had he never not noticed that before? 

Sirius looked like he wanted to laugh, but it turned into a hoarse coughing fit instead. Lupin clucked his tongue disapprovingly.

“Honestly, you shouldn’t be out of bed. Go on, go back upstairs. I’ll be along in a minute.” 

“Hold on.” Sirius held up a hand, got his coughing under control, and then fixed Harry with a grave look. He rasped, “Yes, we’re together. Does it bother you?”

Harry blinked. “What? No.” 

“Are you sure? Because if it does…” 

“It doesn’t!” Harry said quickly. “I only--I didn’t _know_ , okay? I didn’t know, and it’s a lot, and I just--wait, does that mean you both would have raised me? After my parents--I would have gone to both of you?”

Both Lupin and Sirius stiffened, but it was Lupin who said, quietly, “Yes.” 

“Okay.” Harry didn’t know how to process that. He had only had the past two years to come to terms with having one godfather, never mind two. Before then, he had never known that he had had the possibility of living another life, one where he was loved and wanted. Even to this day, it seemed unfathomable.

“And I’d have taken you, if I could,” Lupin said. “But with Sirius gone, no one was going to give a werewolf custody of a child. Let alone you.” 

“Right.” 

“Harry.” Sirius crossed the kitchen in two quick strides and hugged him. Harry buried his face in Sirius’s shoulder, breathing in the scent of cinnamon and old cigarettes. It was inexplicably comforting. “We both wish things had been different.”

“Yeah.” Harry bunched Sirius’s shirt in his hands, painfully aware of the scar on the back of his hand. Sirius could never know. It would only be another hurt in a long line of pain for him. “I know.” 

Sirius only pulled away when another coughing fit started up, and Lupin put a hand on his shoulder. “Go. I’ll be up in a moment.” 

When Sirius had gone, Lupin busied himself with the tea while Harry wiped his eyes. Finally, he managed to say, “Thank you, Remus. For not telling him.” 

“I don’t think I much care for being thanked for keeping a secret like that,” Lupin said, a pinched look on his face. “Umbridge is abusing you, Harry. It’s cruel.”

“It’s fine, I can handle it,” Harry said.

Lupin looked stricken. “You shouldn’t _have_ to handle it, Harry.”

“Look,” Harry said quickly. He just wanted this to be _over_. “If she does it again, or something else that’s worse, I’ll tell McGonagall. I will. Okay?” 

Lupin put his hands on Harry’s shoulders. “Promise me you will.”

“I promise,” Harry said. 

“And if Sirius figures it out on his own, if he asks me directly, I won’t lie to him,” Lupin said firmly. “Please understand that. I won’t tell him, but I also won’t lie to him. We had to lie to each other enough during the first war, and...well, we won’t do it again.” 

“Okay,” Harry said. It wasn’t ideal, but he could work with it. He just had to make sure that Sirius never saw the back of his hand. “That’s fine.” 

Lupin sighed. “James and Lily loved you very much, Harry. I hope you know that. But we did, too. We still do. And it’s a difficult thing to sit back and watch while a loved one gets hurt.” 

_You love me?_ Harry caught himself before he voiced the embarrassing question, but it still rattled around in his brain. 

Thankfully, he was saved from speech by a parchment airplane that flew into the room and whacked Lupin in the side of the head. He caught it before it hit the ground and unfolded it. 

“His Majesty calls,” he said dryly, and Harry recognized Sirius’s spiky handwriting. Lupin folded the note and slipped it into his robes. “You know you can come to us, right? For anything. I mean it, Harry. We’re just an owl or a Floo call away.”

“Yeah,” Harry said roughly. “I know.” 

Lupin looked like he wanted to say something more. Instead, he simply squeezed Harry’s shoulder and left the kitchen. Harry stood there for a moment, the warmth of Lupin’s touch lingering on his shoulder, before going off in search of Ron and Hermione.


End file.
